Not my choice

As a disclaimer, I can only give my own view on my on life, and my own choices, I would never yet to make a choice for another mom.

In the past week I was messaged a question that I had actually never thought of before. This was the first time I had ever been asked this question though, I am not sure if others have wanted to ask, or what they would think, but with out using any names I want to answer the question. So what was it?

If I knew before Haleigh was born that she would have her nevus and all that we would go through would I have had an abortion?
Short answer No.
Long answer, I would not have an abortion unless it was too early for the baby to survive and I was going to die if I continued with the pregnancy. I can see no other reason I would be ok with myself. I did have all the prenatal testing for different syndromes, and I did want to know what the chances were for me having a child with a syndrome so that I would be prepared for the medical needs of that child. All of my test always came back normal and I am very thankful for that. If there was a test for the nevus I would have gotten it and I would have been prepared. Instead I didn't even have a name for haleigh's birthmark until she was 6 months old. I would have been informed and would not have waisted so much time. But I would not change having her. If God came to me and asked me if I wanted him to go back and for haleigh to be born with out the nevus, I would tell him no. Haleigh is such a light in our lives and she has changed our family and the way we think, the way we do things, the way we are things, its all changed and we are better people for it. Yes I hate that she has to go through the surgeries and I would do it for her if I could, but I don't want to change her, I never think we shouldn't have had her, I never regret being picked to be her mom. God chose me to be Haleigh's mom and I am proud that he did.

Being Haleigh's mom has tought me that no matter how much we plan and no matter how much we think we have under control, we are not! God has is all where we are suppose to be and woth who we are suppose to be with. I would not try to change what he has planned for me and my family. Not only is that a complete untrust for God's plan, but it also would not work very well for anyone. I know I am where I am because this is where God needs me to be. And its not for me to understand, its for me to follow.

So do I regret having a 5th child, NO. Children are a blessing for the Lord!

13 years of diapers

13 years ago, we started buying diapers, we were buying them for a baby that was not here yet, and we were having a few problems because you see back then they had diapers for boys that were blue and diapers that were pink for girls, we were not able to find out what we were having at our ultrasound, so we had to buy the new born size ugly white diapers. That was the only size you could get if you didn't know what you were having! Lucky for us in April we got another scan and found out we were having a girl and stocked up on little pink diapers!

2 years later we were buying pink pull ups and little blue diapers, 3 years after that blue pull ups and by then diapers were no longer done by gender, they were just diapers but we were still buying them, 3 years after that blue pull ups and more diapers, 2 years after that more blue pull ups and more newborn size diapers! 2 years after that we are still buying pull ups but we are back to pink ones. The difference is we are not buying newborn diapers at the same time! We are very excited. I am ready to move past changing diapers! I can not say diapers have been the best part of having babies, no one really wants to do it, so 12 years with out a brake is a long enough run of doing anything I believe! Its time to let someone else support the diaper companies!

As I say that I fear that with haleigh having surgery she might be mostly potty trained when we go up, but not when we come back. Her she has a lot to do with it. I am still going to work with her, and she loves to go potty, but I think after Atlanta we will be in diapers again at least for a few days until she feels more like herself. Its not the trip she loves to go potty away from home, its really the actual being out to sleep and having a diaper on that I think will make her regress. But its ok we will just take it all in and one day at a time.

As long as it's healthy.

I bet you have heard almost every pregnant woman and maybe even some expectant fathers say that they do not care if they have a boy or a girl, as long as the baby is healthy that is all that matters to them.

So my question is what is the difference, in wanting a boy, a girl, and healthy? No one wants to say they want a girl because if then they have a boy people will say aw sorry you didn't get what you wanted. So goes for if you wanted a boy. But what if you say all you want is a healthy baby?

What if your baby is not healthy? What then all you wanted was healthy and you didn't get it, so do you love your baby less because they are not healthy? What do you say to a new parent who for 8 months have said all they want is a healthy baby? Then they have a baby who is not completely healthy?

We didn't care if Haleigh was a boy or girl and yes as every parent we prayed she would be healthy. But I never said all I wanted was for her to be healthy, because really being perfectly healthy is not all that important. I wanted nothing more than a child to bring into our home and love. That is all that mattered to me. I think a lot of parents would agree with me on that.

I think people that have children that never have a health problem, will never truly understand how much some other parents go through. Having had children that were and still are healthy from the moment of birth and then the other side too. I can say as different as parenting a sick child is your love for them is the same and your protection for them more!

Through the Eyes of a Child

Have you ever thought of how a child sees the world? How everything is new, exciting, and sometimes scary. Think of how big everything must look and feel to them. It has to be scary sometimes, but I think most of the time its fun and exciting. I love to look at Haleigh while she is learning new things. Her eyes get bright, she stairs, tilts her head and starts talking random words about whatever she is looking at.

Today she was looking at fish and she has seen fish before looked at them talked to them, but today she was asking about them. She was looking at them eyes wide open, what's that she said? Fish I said. Fish? Yes Haleigh Fish! Oh mama look blue fish! I see orange fish Haleigh. Oh orange fish mama! Look swimming mama!

We talked and she learned about fish for an hour! And when we had to go she was not ready, she could have stayed there all day, just looking and talking about the fish.

So simple so pure. I wish I could look at things the way she does everyday all day. She has no worries, not a care in the world. I hope she looks at the world the way she does now for a long long time!